Monday, January 12, 2015

Beware of Cliff!

Hello everyone!

So over the break, I had a lot planned that I needed to get done. However since it was break, I did kind of slack off a bit, so I didn't really get all that I wanted finished, but I did get a good amount.

Over winter break, Christmas and New Year's Eve took place. I'm not sure whether or not I've mentioned this, but my God brother has sickle cell which is the reason why I started Sickled Cells and Even Hearts in the first place. With him having sickle cell, he was in the hospital for the beginning of my break. It was almost Christmas and so my cousin told me that if he wasn't out by the day before Christmas Eve, we would go and visit him. Luckily he was out way before then and we got to spend both Christmas Eve and Christmas with him in the comfort of our own home and not in the hospital.

During the first week out of school I kind of didn't want to do anything that was school related a.k.a. this project. I know this sounds really bad, because this project is supposed to be something that I'm passionate about, so I should want to do it inside of school, outside of school, even when school is over, over the summer, during college, etc.. Saying so, I often contemplate whether or not this is a project I really want to do. I've already bragged about it to my family members about how I'm going to "help out sick people" and "do great things for those who suffer from this deadly disease", but the more I think about it, the more I kind of feel that I am doing it just to say that I've helped someone (hence why I used the word bragging).

If helping out someone with sickle cell was the case, I should've done this a long time ago. I shouldn't have to have a teacher bring up a project and then say, "Oh, hey! This is what I'm going to do to change people's lives." Instead, if I was really serious about this, I would've started a long time ago, because my God brother has sickle cell before I was even born.

I guess what happened was when my teacher brought up the project and showed us examples of previous students and all the great things they've done, I didn't want to do something that was not valuable enough to call a 20 time project. Last year there were people climbing mountains, people learning new music for the first time, writing their own music for the first time, and there were people sitting with new students at lunch, or sitting at a different table every day at lunch, and talking to new kids. I felt like I had to meet that standard of being a life changer. A go-getter. Or just an all-around prevailing student.

 When I think about it, if that was the case, my project would be beautiful! Amazing! Taking on a bigger and greater things already. Since we are going into a second semester, so far the only thing I've completed was filling out the worksheet to give to my teacher that says 'I'm going to do this and this is good for me because...' The more I think about it, the worksheet was probably invalid as well, because this project isn't good for me. It's supposed to be good for others and I want to be a giving person. I want to be the one that people talk about in the hallways or I want to be that person that my teacher honors to have come into his new Sophomore class and talk to his students about finding that passion and doing that one thing that'll take your mind, soul, and body over the edge. Or at least something cliché and unpromising like that and I feel the only way I can do that is if I do something that's not only going to impact my life, but impact others' lives as well.

 I want to be a caring person and I want to be someone who can go up to anyone in need and give them the help that they deserve without taking two months to do it. This project honestly should've taken off by now.

What's even more disheartening is that I call it a project. It shouldn't be just a project, it should be a goal and I can't find myself setting goals for this certain activity. I feel so terrible when I say this and when I write things like this, for when I talk about this to my peers, they say how they never would've thought of it or that its something they know will take off.

In all honesty, I would've changed my project along time ago if it wasn't for some of you commenting and telling me all this seems like such a good idea. If it wasn't for those people, I would've changed this project a very, very, very long time ago. I honestly think it's too late to change, therefore I'm going to be adding another project!

I'm going to be doing a second one and this one is going to be something that I'm very passionate about that I see myself doing out of school, during the summer, during school, etc.. I am going to be starting a YouTube page and I know I know it's very cliché, extremely self-righteous, and a little conceited maybe, but I feel like I need something to look forward to when I do 20 time, because when we do it in class, I always find myself asking other people what they're doing, reading their blog, seeing how everything is coming along with theirs. I never really focus on my own thing, because I'm not that interested in it.

I will still be doing Sickled Cells and Even Hearts, however, I will be taking on another project. One that I can be happy about! Not that I'm not happy about Sickled Cells and Even Hearts, but something that I can actually call my own and that I know will go along way in my life.

I have to learn to find that balance between being a giving person and finding what's good for myself. There's a saying that goes "Don't burn yourself to keep others warm" and I think about that a lot when I'm doing this project, because I try to push myself to do it, but I'm not really feeling it as much as I should and to me that's like pouring gasoline on myself already. I'm not necessarily on fire just yet, but if I try to make something work that I feel will not, i'm going to be going up in flames which is something I don't want for myself.

There's a part of me that feels bad that says "STICK IT OUT! YOU CAN DO IT! YOU WILL BE HAPPY WHEN YOU FINISH!", but then there's also a part of me that's saying "You can help others while also helping yourself."

It's kind of like falling off a cliff with your friends: if there's a possibility that you can save both yourself and them, then go for it! But if there's not, then you're faced with a tough decision and you have to think quickly. You can either save their life and create potential happiness for their families knowing that there are more people alive or you can save yourself and go warn others "Hey! This is not a good cliff! Don't hang from it!"

Anyways... sorry to go off on a long tangent, but to get straight to the point: I will be doing 20 Time projects and I hope you guys will join me in that journey as well!

And I know it's not a broad enough journey, one that people would want to keep up with, but it's something fun and lively and what I believe 20 Time is all about. I think that 20 Time is doing something you love, whether or not it helps someone, helps no one, or if it helps yourself. It can even be something crazy that you've always wanted to do.

Go for it! Do it! Live it! Love it! Just enjoy it, because it shouldn't feel like another class assignment and it shouldn't feel like homework.

I want to thank you guys so much for those of you who have been reading my blog posts and keeping up with the bare minimum of what I've done so far with this project. I feel like I've wasted your time and I want to apologize if anyone feels that way as well, especially since I've come so far with this project. To just not necessarily give it up, but to not pay as much attention to it as I should've, I still want to apologize and say that I hope you continue to see what I do with Sickled Cells and Even Hearts. Also, keep a look out for my new project! I will be linking my videos very soon.

So once again, I'm sorry, but I am also very thankful for all your support.

-Zaria 

No comments:

Post a Comment